First of all, it breaks my heart to know how much pain you were in -- and I had no idea. I am so sorry for not being more intuitive. I have spent many dark hours, days, years suffocating from an inability to breathe, and I spent many of those hours asking God exactly what He was trying to get me to learn, so I could learn it, and move on. But He doesn't work that way, I suppose. I do know that I currently walk daily in the covering of His healing, knowing that tomorrow my lung disease could return and be rapidly fatal. I often say, "Jesus likes to keep me close." But as long as I have breath, I know that it is not my own.
That was my first "mid-life" crisis from my mid 30s to 40ish. In the last year, as I knocked on the door of 50, I've been having a second midlife crisis. I have decided that I cannot put corporate medical culture ahead of my patients. To try and sit with patients, understand what they are going through, diagnose, treat, empathize, etc. in a 15 minute visit felt like moral injury and a disservice to those who were coming to me for care. I decided to launch my own practice, following what I sense God is asking me to do -- walking through end of life mental and spiritual issues, primarily with those with dementia in their homes, rather than in an office. I see only 1/5th of the patients that my peers see, but I finally feel free from corporate pressure, and liberated to provide the kind of care I imagine Jesus would provide if He were in my shoes. I am learning that the mind and the soul are not the same, and have yet to fully wrap my mind around the implications of that for my practice. It takes me back to my years of suffocation, when my body was betraying me, but my soul was flourishing. I hope my patients can experience soul flourishing, even in the context of dementia.
I'm actually going through my second midlife crisis right now. Because of my dad dying in his 40s, I ended up having one in my 20s. The result was I got into raising exotic fishes, doing a lot of reckless and dangerous stuff, and losing my identity in to someone else (which was Dr. House, because he survived death, lived in pain, and was able to keep everyone at arms length in case he did die, I even started developing a limp during this, though I found out later that was because the cartilage in my leg was starting to disapate).
Now though I have realized I'm in one again. Though this one seems a little healthier. I only put it together it was happening in the last month, when it was repeatedly pointed out that I had crossed the line from young to old, which is 37 and a half it seems. But I have in this year radically changed my diet, dropped 40 pounds, and now exercise regularly. I'm also working on having a career extension or addition. I don't have a sense to leave pastoring, but I am definitely feel the urge and joy in teaching. I also got back into acting. Being on stage was a huge joy and stretching as musicals are something new. I also got one of my two dream cars last year, but I think that was more luck and timing than a mid life crisis.
Dave, I resonate with your confession. I Think I've been having a midlife crisis for the past 10+ years! I definitely don't FEEL as old as the calendar says I am. I also can empathize with the "lack of a diagnosis syndrome", and the transient, unexplained vision loss! Yow! Been there, done that! I finally got a "this is the best we can come up with" diagnosis of "ocular migraine" from my neurologist and two ophthalmologists. I am thankful, though, for the fact that I have never experienced more than one eye at a time. (I feel like I should add "yet"--waiting for the other shoe to drop.) Good to hear from the "Drury Front"!
First of all, it breaks my heart to know how much pain you were in -- and I had no idea. I am so sorry for not being more intuitive. I have spent many dark hours, days, years suffocating from an inability to breathe, and I spent many of those hours asking God exactly what He was trying to get me to learn, so I could learn it, and move on. But He doesn't work that way, I suppose. I do know that I currently walk daily in the covering of His healing, knowing that tomorrow my lung disease could return and be rapidly fatal. I often say, "Jesus likes to keep me close." But as long as I have breath, I know that it is not my own.
That was my first "mid-life" crisis from my mid 30s to 40ish. In the last year, as I knocked on the door of 50, I've been having a second midlife crisis. I have decided that I cannot put corporate medical culture ahead of my patients. To try and sit with patients, understand what they are going through, diagnose, treat, empathize, etc. in a 15 minute visit felt like moral injury and a disservice to those who were coming to me for care. I decided to launch my own practice, following what I sense God is asking me to do -- walking through end of life mental and spiritual issues, primarily with those with dementia in their homes, rather than in an office. I see only 1/5th of the patients that my peers see, but I finally feel free from corporate pressure, and liberated to provide the kind of care I imagine Jesus would provide if He were in my shoes. I am learning that the mind and the soul are not the same, and have yet to fully wrap my mind around the implications of that for my practice. It takes me back to my years of suffocation, when my body was betraying me, but my soul was flourishing. I hope my patients can experience soul flourishing, even in the context of dementia.
I'm actually going through my second midlife crisis right now. Because of my dad dying in his 40s, I ended up having one in my 20s. The result was I got into raising exotic fishes, doing a lot of reckless and dangerous stuff, and losing my identity in to someone else (which was Dr. House, because he survived death, lived in pain, and was able to keep everyone at arms length in case he did die, I even started developing a limp during this, though I found out later that was because the cartilage in my leg was starting to disapate).
Now though I have realized I'm in one again. Though this one seems a little healthier. I only put it together it was happening in the last month, when it was repeatedly pointed out that I had crossed the line from young to old, which is 37 and a half it seems. But I have in this year radically changed my diet, dropped 40 pounds, and now exercise regularly. I'm also working on having a career extension or addition. I don't have a sense to leave pastoring, but I am definitely feel the urge and joy in teaching. I also got back into acting. Being on stage was a huge joy and stretching as musicals are something new. I also got one of my two dream cars last year, but I think that was more luck and timing than a mid life crisis.
Dave, I resonate with your confession. I Think I've been having a midlife crisis for the past 10+ years! I definitely don't FEEL as old as the calendar says I am. I also can empathize with the "lack of a diagnosis syndrome", and the transient, unexplained vision loss! Yow! Been there, done that! I finally got a "this is the best we can come up with" diagnosis of "ocular migraine" from my neurologist and two ophthalmologists. I am thankful, though, for the fact that I have never experienced more than one eye at a time. (I feel like I should add "yet"--waiting for the other shoe to drop.) Good to hear from the "Drury Front"!
...whoa. 😳
So grateful this is behind you(us).🙏