Timeless Questions that Shape Your Life
Learning to articulate what matters most in your life
What matters most to you? Seriously. Think about it with me.
Got a few things in mind?
The three "F's" perhaps? Family, friends, and faith?
What's next? Your work? Education? Pet? Your favorite coffee drink?
Most people don't have any of this written down anywhere so it doesn't take long to start grasping at straws. You would think it would be easy to articulate what matters most in life, but it's not something we spend a good deal of time on.
We ask ourselves many other questions of course: What do I want to get done today? What am I expected to accomplish by the weekend? In seasons of transition, we ask a little bit bigger ones: What kind of job do I want to get? Where do I want to live? What's available in my field?
However, even these questions are not necessarily about what matters most. They have consequences, but I would venture to say they aren't big enough for what we all want to know.
What we need is a way to figure out what we're all about. We need to articulate what matters most so that the other decisions we have to make are in alignment. Alignment with what? Well, alignment with both the person we are and the person we want to be.
I received coaching from Steve Moore in my early 20s, and several others have coached me since. The clarity and focus that came from that coaching have shaped my choices more times than I can count. Along the way, I started creating environments where people could find breakthrough clarity in their purpose in life, and it is all centered on the following big questions...
The big WHY questions: motive and urgency
It's important to start with why. The why question deals with the big motivations and urgencies that energize you. If you don't get this right first, the other questions don't get you moving enough. Without a clear sense of your motivation and urgency, your big whys, you run the danger of feeling meaningless.
Motive.
The first big question is your motive. "WHY is your life important to you?" One philosopher said that the one who has a why to live for can bear most any how. If you know your “big why,” what motivates you the most, then so much is possible because it matters to you so deeply. The sacrifices and obstacles and faithfulness make sense because it's worth it.
Urgency.
The second big question is your urgency. "WHY is your life needed now?" It is helpful to consider why things might be left undone if you didn’t live the rest of your life. Almost all sports have a scoreboard because urgency gets you going like little else. When a clock is ticking, every minute or second matters. But of course in real life there is a scoreboard too, an invisible clock is ticking for us all. Why are you passionate to make a difference now before it’s too late?
Once you have a grasp on your why it's time to talk about who.
The big WHO questions: team and target
When you meet someone for the first time in a social setting they often ask "what do you do?" Sure, the "what" question matters a good deal. What you do is important, but why you do it, and who you do it with matter more. This is why author Jim Collins stresses "first who, then what" in his books. The right people make doing the right things possible and without a clear answer to the "who questions" you are in danger of feeling isolated.
Team.
First, we ask about your team: WHO do you live and work with? C. S. Lewis said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather, it is one of the things that gives value to survival.” Sure, it might not seem all that strategic, and making the lists of the team around you, starting with family, your closest friends, and then your co-workers, may seem not that serious. But it's not about survival value, it's about giving value to survival. With this in mind, you can be intentional to "not neglect meeting together" (Hebrews 10v24-25) with your team in life. Rely on them more and more every year that passes!
Target.
Once you understand better the team around you and are grateful for it, you can consider your target audience in life. Ask: WHO do you influence? A Chinese proverb on this is instructive: If your vision is for a year, plant wheat. If your vision is for ten years, plant trees. If your vision is for a lifetime, plant people. What kind of people do you want to "plant" with your life? Who are those you want to serve, love, and improve? Who are you influencing intentionally?
Once you have a grasp on your who, then the where questions are helpful to ask.
Other questions
I've had a lot of people ask me about the kinds of things I do in my coaching, and while the above areas are just a taste, I wanted you to hear some details. I don't think I'll list for you all the rest of the questions I ask, but I'll give you a summary here of the other core questions in case it helps you:
The big WHERE questions: origin and destination. WHERE did you come from and WHERE are you going?
The big WHAT questions: process and feel. WHAT will you do with your life and WHAT will your intended life look like?
The big HOW questions: values and features. HOW do you do life and HOW is your life different?
The big WHEN questions: outcomes and ditches. WHEN will you be successful and WHEN will you be off-track?
Perhaps it's time to step away for a moment and consider these big questions for your life? Do you already have some starting answers for them? Do you see how these shape things in a much more sustaining and fulfilling way than just "doing whatever comes your way?"
If not, perhaps the above questions would help you journal a bit or reflect in a time of discernment. I know they sure help me.
Familiar and excellent questions!