My Daughter Got Married
Here's the Wedding Message I Delivered
I typically speak without notes, but for a certain message I delivered this past weekend, I had to stick to reading the manuscript to make sure I made it through it without crying. Why? Well, it’s because my daughter asked me to officiate her wedding, and below is my wedding homily, delivered on a quaint farm in Indiana where Luke & Karina said their vows.
Some of this is about them, and intended to honor them. There are some pictures below as well. But a good bit of this is about marriage in general, and how the Spirit grows us to be better marriage partners. I hope it’s an encouragement to you.
Luke Hawkins & Karina Drury Wedding Homily - 18 May 2024
Karina you look so beautiful today. And Luke, what a fine groom you are. The pictures are gonna be amazing. Some might already be on social media as I speak, racking up the views. Unfortunately, this homily is unsponsored.
I always say to you: "You loved each other before you were cool."
You see, folks, these two were middle-school sweethearts. Some of you here might think you were cool in middle-school, but all you have to do is look back at your pictures to realize you were not, it turns out, cool in middle-school.
But Luke & Karina, you found each other, and I want to talk about what you were like before you were cool, and what happened since.
The most common scripture used in weddings is 1 Corinthians 13... the love passage. You may know it.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs...."
and so on and so forth.
But what about when love isn't like that? What about when your love with someone turns impatient, and you become unkind? When a marriage is haunted by envy and pride? What happens when a wife is dishonoring, a husband becomes self-seeking? When you get angry and start keeping that ol' record of wrongs? What about when love doesn't last?
Well, there's another passage, almost never used for weddings, that might give us an answer. It's Galatians 5:22-23.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
That list is quite similar to the one in 1st Corinthians. And guess what, Galatians was written by the same guy: the Apostle Paul. But here he goes a step further. He clarifies where these qualities come from.
They don't come from just being in love. They don't fall out of the sky with good luck. These qualities are not ones you're born with. No, Paul says these qualities are the "FRUIT" of the Spirit.
Luke, you weren't all that joyful, good, gentle, or self-controlled in the 8th grade when you met Karina. And Karina, you weren't naturally at peace, all that patient, kind or faithful back then either. Left to your own devices, you'd be stuck as your middle-school selves. These are not qualities you somehow grow in through your own work. Sorry to the both of you, but you can't feed them protein or pump them up at the gym.
Instead, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit work in you to change who you are, and grow these qualities in you.
It wasn't your love for each other that changed you. As you both know from the way you've grown spiritually together and apart, it was the Spirit that made you love each other well.
Luke, you learned to love Karina even more than yourself. The Spirit turned you into a man of peace, who has the patience to work through hard times. The Spirit of God gave you a kindness in dealing with people. A goodness started to show in you. You became truly faithful. You started to show a gentleness in the way you spoke and a self-control in your choices. Again, these things were not true of middle-school Luke. They are the fruit of what God gives you by the Spirit who is alive and well within you.
Karina, you learned to love Luke even more than yourself. The Spirit gave you a calming peace of mind. You became more patient with your difficulties and challenges. You chose more kind words, and made choices for the good. You were faithful not just to Luke, but to your friends and family. You became more gentle in tense moments, and more self-controlled in what you chose to engage in. These qualities were not true of you in middle-school any more than they were true of Luke. These qualities were the fruit of what God gives you, as the Spirit truly transformed you into who you are today.
You both have better haircuts than you did back in middle-school, but far more importantly, you have better souls, with fruit of the Spirit evident and growing in you.
But he's not done. Now the real work begins. Not just your work—although yes, part of marriage entails work. But it's the Spirit's work in you from here on out that will make the biggest difference.
You're both really amazing people. And we're all impressed by and proud of you, none more than your parents. However, you might, believe it or not, look back at pictures of yourselves today, some decades off in the future, and wonder who those two people were. You might think: "Oh my, I've grown so much since then." And if you let the Spirit teach you, you'll become more loving, more joyful, and more peaceful, patient, and kind than you are today. You'll be full of an even greater sense of goodness, you'll prove your faithfulness in the only way one ever really can: over time. And you'll show more gentleness and self-control to one another each and every day.
But of course there is a hidden warning in there for you, and for all of us. If we try to gain these qualities, these life and marriage-enriching, even life and marriage-saving qualities, on our own, we fail. We'll never be patient enough on our own. When the great trials come, and they always do, we won't be kind or gentle enough to endure it on our own. When the great temptations come, we won't be good or faithful enough to escape those on our own either. These things grow by the Spirit of God.
Luke and Karina, I know you know this. Because you've already got these things in such a good measure at such a young age. And that's why we admire you. That's why we think you're a great couple. But in the end, it's not about you. It's about what you've allowed the Spirit of God to do in you. Enjoy that journey! All of us here will enjoy cheering you on!
Let's pray… Lord, as we watch these two say their vows and we pronounce this thing to be official we commend them for the fruit of the Spirit they already have in them, and we collectively here today pray that this fruit will grow in them, and also in all of us, for "...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
Amen
That's really good, because it's really true.
So beautiful!!!!