Handy Phrases Guaranteed to Ruin Your Relationships

10 Expressions Everyone Everywhere Should Stop Using

If you value the relationships in your life, then you might consider retiring these phrases from your vocabulary. By cutting these phrases you can avoid stepping on some conversational landmines just below the surface. So, take this as a list of what not to say, unless of course you don't value your relationships at all, then by all means use them all the time.

1. "Calm down, it’s not that bad."

Translation: Your emotions are an overreaction, and I showed up today to minimize them.

Example:
“Oh, your car got stolen? But didn’t you say you wanted to get rid of that car?”

Why retire it? Saying this is like throwing a cup of water on a grease fire then acting surprised when it bursts into flame. Instead, empathize—or at least offer a hug (or a cup of tea).

2. "I know exactly how you feel."

Translation: I’ve once had a vaguely similar experience, so now I’m going to tell that story and act like an expert on your emotions.

Example:
“Oh your cat ran away? I know exactly how you feel: I once lost my favorite travel mug.”

Why retire it? You don’t know how they feel. Unless you’re psychic—and even then, maybe just shut up.

3. "You’re too emotional"

Translation: I am uncomfortable with emotions so I’m going to dismiss your feelings and shame you into stopping.

Example:
“Why are you crying? I thought we could have a professional conversation about this.”

Why retire it? Telling someone they’re “too emotional” is really just a confession that you’re not mature enough to process your feelings, much less anyone else’s.

4. "Everything happens for a reason."

Translation: Your pain is an inevitability of fate. Suck it up, bruh.

Example:
“You got laid off? Don’t be sad, God is clearly guiding you to your dream job.”

Why retire it? This phrase is as comforting as a stone pillow and a cold straw mattress. Let people grieve without trying to philosophize (or theologize) their pain.

5. "You sound just like your [insert family member here]."

Translation: You seem agitated; perhaps I could make it better by comparing you to the person you most needed counseling to process your relationship with.

Example:
“Stop saying that! You sound just like your mom.” (Best to immediately duck and dodge flying objects if you use this one.)

Why retire it? Unless it’s a very nice and absolutely clear compliment, comparisons to family members can often be fighting words.

6. "No offense, but…"

Translation: Buckle up, I’m about to insult you, and perhaps even worse: others like you.

Example:
“No offense, but I’ve noticed people like you do tend to leave small tips.”

Why retire it? No one hears “no offense” and wants to hear what comes next. (Related phrase to retire: “I’m not a racist, but…”

7. "Stay positive!"

Translation: Your sadness is inconvenient for me, so slap on a smile, bucko!

Example:
“You didn’t get the job? Don’t be sad about it, your attitude determines your altitude!”

Why retire it? This is toxic positivity: it’s like a motivational cat poster—and your relationship is just as thin as the poster.

8. "I miss the old you."

Translation: Change makes me uncomfortable, I would prefer you remain the same forever.

Example:
“You used to just do the kinds of things I like to do. Speaking of me: you’re now you’re into a bunch of stuff I don’t understand and don’t enjoy.”

Why retire it? People grow and change. Nostalgia for the past isn’t a reason to try to freeze someone’s development in place.

9. "At least it’s not as bad as…"

Translation: Your hurts only count if they’re catastrophic. Something worse could happen and I’m going to take the opportunity to point that out to shame your pain.

Example:
“Your dog ran away? Well, at least you still have your kids, imagine if one of them died?”

Why retire it? Comparing struggles doesn’t help. It’s not a pain track meet!

10. "Can’t you take a joke?"

Translation: Not laughing off my inappropriate behavior is a character flaw in you, not me.

Example:
“What do you mean you’re offended? Lighten up, I was just kidding when I called you a lazy oaf!”

Why retire it? Humor may be subjective, but don’t be an ass.

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Which of these phrases has someone said to you and it hurt the relationship? Or when have you stuck your foot in your mouth and used one and regretted it later? Share your reactions by leaving a comment or joining the DruGroup chat below.

When in doubt, think before you speak—and if that fails, just nod and hand the person some candy. People like candy.